These are some very quick sketches I wrote a long time ago. I'm not sure why I'm putting them up here, but here ya' go.

Man and Woman No.1

Woman-   Teach me something

Man-   (caresses her cheek)

Woman-   What was that?

Man-   A separate lesson from my intended.   It is not done.

Woman-   Oh.   Oh.   (puts her hands on lap, ready)

Man-   (he caresses her cheek again and then slaps her.   He caresses her again and takes off her necklace)   You look so beautiful without that hindrance.   (he slips it into his pocket.)

Woman-   What.   What is this?

Man-   Politics.

Woman-   Politics?   You mean like government?

Man-   Exactly.

Woman-   But shouldn't you teach. . .

Man-   Be quiet.   Be still for a second.   I am teaching you the essence.

Woman-   Love me.

Man-   I can't.

Woman-   Why?

Man-   Because I own you.

Woman-   No, no can't you love what you own?

Man-   No, if you love it, it owns you.

Woman-   Oh, I see, I see.

Man-   So be quiet you I can hate you properly.   Stay there, resigned.   Be my discontent.

Woman- Quietly?

Man-   Quietly.   Save yourself.   (pause)   I should fuck you too.   That would be the end.

Woman-   Part of the lesson?

Man-   Of course, of course.

Woman-   Can we use a condom?

Man-   No, No.   I should leave with me inside you.   It will mean nothing unless there's a little of my white in your red.

Woman-   Should I undress?

Man-   Heavens, no.   Just lift your skirt, panties to the side.

Woman-   (she does so)

Man-   You'll have to wait a second.   I need to straighten.  

(to himself while getting slowly excited)

              Cappuccino. . . monogrammed cufflinks. . .the Academy Awards. . .Donald Duck. . .George Bush. . .!!

(he comes)

            I'm sorry.   I went too far.

Woman-   Is that all?

Man-   For now, yes.

Woman-   Love me.

Man-   I can not touch you.

Woman-   I'm very warm.   I've been watching the tapes you've sent me to study.

Man-   You have?  

Woman-   Yes.   Watch this.  

            (she goes on her knees, pretends to give fellatio.   Does so very awkwardly and unconvincingly, as if she's trying to exactly remember.)

            Oh, you're so big. . .Oh. . .yes.   Yes, I like it.   Yes. . .yes.   Just like that.   I love it.   Mmmm, you taste so good.    Yes.   I'm a little girl.   Yes.   I'm such a bad girl.   Mmm.   I want it.

            (suddenly changes her voice)

            And then things spiraled downward for John.   Drugs, alcohol, and nightly nameless sex acts with die-hard fans became six long years of blind soul searching. . .

Man-   (he stops her)

            What was that?

Woman-   It was on the tape.

Man-   What?

Woman-   (quickly repeats this as if trying to regain her place)   And then things spiraled downward for the band.   Drugs, alcohol. . .nameless sex acts. . .six long years. . .soul searching. . .

            (regains her place)

            And before he knew it, John had come to realize that he hadn't picked up his guitar in two years and his cd's were in the discount bin of every store.

Man-   Oh.   Oh, that's right.   I taped over that VH1 thing.

Woman-   The 'Coug' had it rough.   I cried.

Man-   Yes, well, that wasn't supposed to be part of the tape.   They didn't belong together.

Woman-   They didn't?

Man-   No.

Woman-   That isn't part of the lesson?

Man-   No.

Man and Woman Lesson No. 2

Man-   I love you.

Woman-   No you do not.

Man-   I love you I love you I love you.   Give me your everything.

Woman-   No you do not.

Man-   I will give you my everything.

Woman-   I do not want your everything.   Your everything is nothing.

Man-   I can give you kisses on the thigh.

Woman-   A woman can do that.

Man-   I can give you pleasure in between.  

Woman-   Again.   (referring to last things said)

Man-   It is like an ice cream cone.   It is sweet.  

Woman-   Have you tasted it?

Man-   I would like to melt inside you.

Woman-   Your poetics are getting worse.

Man-   What can I give?

Woman-   If you go away completely, I might consider it.

Man-   Who has hurt you?

Woman-   The movies.

Man- The movies?

Woman-   I was watching 'Fear and Loathing'.    At the end, Benicio Del'Toro is mad and drugged up in a late night Vegas Café.   Ellen Barkin is the waitress- long dark hair, rumpled.   Legs like a prize-winning horse, she leans to get the dishes.   Her butt is in the air. 'Like a washed up Lana Turner' they say.   She is magnificent and dirty.   Her uniform is stretched across her chest.   Her buttons almost popping and sweat on her chest.   She is hand on hips and then he takes out his knife.   He taunts her.   He cuts the phone cord and throws it at her, tells her to call the police.   She is shaking.   He asks her for a lemon meringue pie.   He goes behind the counter and takes it, throws the money at her.   He leaves, with his knife.   Johnny Depp notices she has knife marks already on her.   She is shaking.   Once magnificent and degraded.   She works for tips.   I am her and I am terrified.

Man-   You will never love me.

Woman-   (softening) I want to, but I'm afraid of knives.

Man-   What if I was spoons?   All spoons and only spoons?   Ceramic cups and cream?  

Woman-   Then you would be a woman.

Man-   It's too bad.

Woman-   It is too bad.

(pause)

            I have made love once.

Man-   So have I.

Woman-   Love or fuck?

Man-   I know there's a difference, but I couldn't tell.

Woman-   Were you drunk?

Man-   No, it was with myself.

Woman-   I have made love once with one of you.  

Man-   What is it like to have a man inside you?

Woman-   You know your mouth?   The thing that tries to express all that is inside you?   The instrument that has the words unsaid backed up in the throat?  

Man-   (he nods)

Woman-   It's as if he put his hands inside it like this (she has her hands together, like she's praying, but then extends it out)   and goes inside and (she pulls her hands apart)   widens.   Widens wider than you thought possible.   Until you think, no, that's impossible, my throat doesn't go that wide.   And then you think if you ever had a throat to begin with.   It's as if all your secrets have no place to hide.

Man-   That sounds awful.

Woman-   It could be.   It can also be wonderful.   I don't think I'm explaining it right.   What does it feel like to have a dick and be able to go inside a woman?

Man-   You know a scream?  

Woman-   Yes.

Man-   It is turning your body inside out with a liquid scream.   It is losing everything- your name, your eyes, your brown hair.   You are deliriously terrified and you scream and it's over and you are lying in bed and you try to remember who you are.   It is like being born again for a moment.

Woman-   It should be possible for us to love together.   I've made love with a man such as you.

Man-   Why don't you try?

Woman-   (doesn't know what to say.   He comes up behind her and starts stroking her neck.   She is moved, half terrified, but frustrated as if she is trying to feel pleasure.   Almost crying.)

            Please.   Please.

Man-   These fingers are not knives.

Woman-   They make them.   (he stops)

Man-   You leave me no choice.   (he takes a lemon meringue pie from somewhere that has been hidden.   He throws money at her and leaves.)

Woman-   (takes the money and looks at the audience)    I am her and I am terrified.

Lesson No.3

Man-   Who do you become at your best?

Woman-   Someone worth talking to.

Man- And the rest of the time, you are. . .

Woman-   At best- scenery.

Man-   To yourself or to others?

Woman-   I don't know.   That's a good question.

Man-   I am always someone good to talk to.

Woman-   We are talking now, aren't we?

Man-   Where are you going with this.

Woman-   Well, if you're always someone good to talk to and we are talking now, you are assuming that I am having a good time with you.

Man-   I don't know if you are having a good time or not.   You don't need to be to have a good conversation.

Woman-   I'm sorry, I'm tired of this.   I grow tired quite early.

Man-   Well, what should we talk of?   I'm not interested in sports, in the local news, the weather. . .

Woman- How can you not be interested in the weather.

Man-   Because it is inevitable.   I am not interested in the inevitable.

Woman-   You are not interested in death.

Man-   I am interested in things with options.   Things I have control over.

Woman-   You don't think you have control over death.

Man-   I'm not going to commit suicide.   Beyond that, no.

Woman-   How about safety?   How about seat belts?

Man-   Those are options, I suppose.

Woman-   And?

Man-   And what?

Woman-   Well, what interest do you have in safety belts?

Man-   Do you see where conversation turns when we try?

Woman-   Well, then, don't try.   Tell me.   Safety belts. Your opinion.   I'm highly interested.

Man-   You are interested in the weather and safety belts.

Woman-   Please. . .

Man-   I have never thought about it.

Woman-   So you don't wear them?

Man-   I wear what I need to wear.

Woman-   Like underpants?

Man-   Again. . .

Woman-   Let's stray from that area.   What do you mean, you wear what you need to wear?

Man-   This shirt.   If I don't, I may not be allowed in places I want to go.   I would possibly embarrass you when I want to get to know you.   I would rather be inconspicuous in my attire and conspicuous in my deeds.

Woman-   You are not making sense.   Either way, you never really answered the question.   Seat belts.   Yes or no.

Man-   If I am going to be saved from a bloody death, I don't want man to save me.   I don't want a mechanical miracle.   If I am going seventy-five miles per hour and an ice cream truck suddenly pulls out in front of me,   I would rather God save me than Toyota.

Woman-   What if Toyota is an extension of God?   What if God is trying to save you from that by having a man sit lonely late at nights and try to figure out how to save you, specifically from that ice cream truck?   From a hot summer days accident and your blood and smashed head mixed with Rocky Road?

Man-   If Toyota is an extension of God, and I believe it, well I'd rather be dead.  

Woman-   Would you rather a miracle or a law?

Man-   Do you think laws are mans pre-planned miracles?

Woman-   I don't know.   I don't know anything.   All I know is I'm going to die one day.   Everything is based off that.

Man-   That what?

Woman-   Huh?

Man-   That what?   That fact.   That fear.   That what?

Woman-   That ice cream truck.