White Trash Silent Movie

Conceived by Sabrina Chapadjiev

written by Sabrina, Christian, Stephen, and Xander

Character List

Man

Woman #1

Woman #2

Sign Holder #1 (may be woman or man, preferably man)

Sign Holder #2 (must be man)

            This piece is hard to script as it is reliant on the choreography of the actor's movements, the music, and the revealing of the cards.   All three need to be in synch with each other for it to work, so instead of writing an actual script, it is easier to simply list the changes within the working parts.

            The MUSIC- was originally played by a violinist, and I do think this is the best option.   A pianist might work as well.   For the violinist, the 'tension' parts work best if they rapidly play a minor or fully diminished chord, moving their bow quickly.   A fully diminished chord should work for the pianist in these parts.

            The ACTION- works best with very clean, precise movements.   The actors should be over-exaggerated, as it was in original silent movies.   This will also help cue the music and the script.   Also, especially in the beginning , the actors should really do the most base of actions, such as popping their zits, with the flourish and grandiosity of silent movie actors.   The two people holding the signs should be as unobtrusive as possible, until the end, where they should appear timid and nervous, and very uncomfortable with becoming part of the play.

            The SCRIPT- should be written in the style that words in silent movies were written in.   They should be very legible, with flourished first letters and possibly borders around them, though this is not necessary.

            This was originally done in a bar, with two chairs pushed together as the set.   The Man and Woman #1 sat on them, a sheet pulled over them, pretending they were sleeping.   However, if a more elaborate set is desired, it should be the bedroom of a white trash woman.

Music

Action

Script

1.

opening bars of Peer Gynt

Man shifting in bed, snoring.   He accidentally jostles Woman #1 and she starts shifting.   Finally, she wakes up, stretches, pops zit in mirror (out towards the audience)

2.

music swells. . .

Man begins what seems to be a huge erection.   Woman #1 is very excited.   She pulls off the sheet, only to reveal that the huge erection was simply the raised bottle of Miller Lite that the man has been holding in his hand.   The man is now awake and takes a drink from the beer.

3.  

Mario Brothers soundtrack

Man shrugs and begins playing Nintendo.   Woman #1 expresses anger, walks back and forth.   She hits him in frustration.  

4.  

plays four notes chromatically downward, as if the video game signaled the death of Mario.

Man drops joystick thingy, then turns to Woman #1, pissed off.

  1. "Damn, Bitch!"
  2. "I almost had the princess!!"

5.  

tension music

Woman #1 snaps three times and then puts her hand out, looking away.

  1. "...'Cause the face ain't listening!"

6.  

tension music

Man puts fists on hips and makes knowing, smiling expression.

•  "Who's my little ho-bag?"

7.

tension

Woman #1 turns, melting into sweet and loving again.

1.   "You knowz I am, muthafucka!"

8.  

great, passionate, romantic music

They hump.

9.  

Music swells

They hump harder

1.   "Damn, Bitch!"

(raise this sign a couple times while they hump.)

10.

Music from Bonanza

Woman #2 enters, crushes her cigarette under her heel.   She takes in the scene and squares herself.

11.  

tension

She motions to the two humpers.

2."You cheatin' slut!"

12.  

tension

Man stops and looks at her.

1.   "Bitch, I don't know you!"

13.  

tension

Woman #1 stops and looks, turns to audience, terrified.

2.   "It's Krystal!!"

1.   "My long-lost half-sister lesbian lover..."

2.   "Whose disapproving father...."

1.   "(who is sort of my father too)

2.   "...sold his kidney to pay for my sex change operation"

1.   "...but doesn't know that I spent it on crack rocks..."

2.   "...and am still a biological man!!"

1.   "Damn, Bitch!!"

14.  

Paul Revere music

Woman #2 chases Woman #1 around the bed.   Man looks on, confused.

15.

Batman theme song

Women stop and start doing a choreographed fight.   There should be here beats to this fight.   Beat one- Woman #2 hits Woman #1.   Beat two- Woman #1 hits Woman #2.   Beat three- Man makes terrified on-looker motion.

(beat one)   1.   "Bamm!!"

(beat two)   2.   "Kaplowee!"

(beat three)

                  1.   "Damn, Bitch!!"

(the first two signs can be made to look like the ones on the Batman tv show- very comic book-like.)

16.  

tension

Woman #1 turns to Woman #2, offended.

2.   "Bitch, why you be hitting me?!"

17.  

tension

Woman #2 turns to Woman #1

1.   "Bitch, these be love slaps...Bitch."

18.

tension

The Women change from angry to in love with each other and start going toward each other.   Man is like, "no Way!!", excited by possibly seeing some lesbo action.

2.   "Yo, let me hit that shit!!!"

19.

tension

Women together now, turn to the man defiant and snaps.

1.   "Don't even go there!!

20.  

tension

Man turns to the two sign holders

2.   "Fine, I just be gay then!!"

21.  

flowering love music, swelling to a grand finish

Women get it on, white trash style.   Man starts hitting on Sign holder #2, who looks intensely uncomfortable.   Sign holder 1 tries to hide.

THE END